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Haze Like Me

by Hospital Job

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1.
I guess I don’t need a fucking therapist when I'm goddamn sure I know exactly what’s wrong it’s my brain, it’s my eyes it's the whole fucking world that I see so much until I can’t see at all Flashback about ten fucking years when the clouds crept in and the sun turned grey and the energy was gone like the charger was lost and now my memory’s jogged I know exactly what changed The modern albatross invited inside now it’s never gonna leave these devices got designs on us Discarding all the things we love just so we can keep up with the ones we despise  “If you’re unhappy you can throw it all away” is what you say but you know that it’s not that easy, when your nights have been as lonely as an astronaut in orbit looking down on us and the whole damn world  I guess it’s not as big as we made it out to be That statement’s so depressing to me  These devices got designs on us
2.
Darts 02:32
I threw a dart at a map  And it landed on a place I don’t wanna go It sorta fell into my lap Packed a bag and decided to hit the road Cuz who am I to disagree With what I think the world is giving me Find a place and settle down Things start to seem a lot like deja vu  The same quiet on the streets Reflecting faces glowing from the bright LCD views Looking down and not around I guess that we made it home after all Look what the world has given us And we’re guilty of the things they say we do But resistance doesn’t work when we want it to Yeah we’re marching to disarm but we’re rigging the alarms they only go off after we’ve made it through
3.
The sad stories used to fly off the pen Only yawns after smiles and wins Now you’re content just staring at the clock Got some dirt on your writers block We can’t call this fun Wouldn’t wish it on anyone You look closer, examine, and dig up stuff  Til you find Mount Rushmore isn’t big enough We can’t call this fun Wouldn’t wish it on anyone So fuck the world, and what it’s become Are there any words, for what we’ve done? How can anyone, ever see the sun? But these little flames, burn everyone
4.
Oh Nadine, you are the queen, don’t let your crown fall The flightpath so close to the sun, you’re lookin for a downfall You’ve got a way, to separate, whats won and whats earned I guess you don't get to sit on any throne without a little sunburn Are you happy now You’ve got the wind at your back and you’re thinking about turning around Well we’ve been that way if you don’t recall It was window shopping with a wrecking ball It was sheets in the freezer on those oven baked august nights But if i had my way we'd be as good as done Fall asleep from boredom chanting “we’re number 1” The more I think about it, Your Majesty you may be right You may be right Oh Nadine, don’t make a scene, don’t let your hair down My biggest fear, a stranger’s ear, an awkward staredown You’ve got a way, to slip away, before all the shit starts I guess you can’t hold your head up high without breaking a few hearts “Actually you got that wrong,” She said “I’ve been getting high from fixing broken hearts all along” Well I’ve been that way if you don’t recall I’ve been window shopping with a wrecking ball Cheap vodka from the freezer on those wasted wednesday nights But if i had my way we’d be as good as done Fall asleep from boredom with the TV on The more I think about it, Your Majesty you may be right So get me high
5.
I’ve been all over in a band withya So many hours sitting in the van withya Now we’re all just sucking up bandwidth and Ain’t it funny how things change? Now these days, not really out there  Never alone, it’s all planned out where We know exactly how it plays out here Ain’t it funny how they’re all the same?  Each and every night 
6.
All Gone 02:32
You wouldn’t know it but we’re doing great now You look back and it seems like apes how Communicating with grunts and groans and Fixing things with sticks and stones and Look how far we’ve come in such short time Nothing’s missed we see it right now Only worry if there’s something to hide now You don’t feel it but we’re so much safer They’re only looking at metadata It’s not really for us it’s more for you  It’s better if you think that same way too Major progress verses minor crimes Look at what we’ve done with all this time No breaks, no heart Get high, get hard No pain, no love Walled off, straight numb No lulls, no peaks Practice, routine Live cold, hold on All in, all gone
7.
Waking up from a Vicodin dream Things aren’t as bad as they seem Take a deep breath and rub my eyes. Look around a little while I was wrong Looking up from the iPhone screen Guess it’s been longer than it seems having trouble adjusting my eyes I look around outside It’s so dark
8.
A dark vacant lot where the streetlights stop But no one can tell on a sunny afternoon No shadows fall where there’s no light at all Thought it was the perfect place to set up shop with you Young enough to care about when the sun comes up and falls back down now So you live with me on a dead end street How longs it been I don’t know And there’s no escape at least not that way Do you wanna leave I don’t know 
9.
She’s in a rut  Don't know why Can't help her out Cuz so am I  We're staying put Even if we try The days drag on But the years fly by The leaves still fall The grass still grows And the lights are on In our little home But it’s quiet now When the routers up It’s hard to tell  If I’m alone or not We can hang our heavy hearts on certain hooks, and call it a day But it won’t go away oh it won’t go away no But it won’t go away oh it won’t go away no There’s a table top Where the ashes sit With old collars draped On top of it So we’ll walk the park With our new friends And just pretend The routers out again We can hang our heavy hearts on certain hooks, and call it a day But it won’t go away oh it won’t go away no But it won’t go away oh it won’t go away no We can read about these moods in certain books And call it that way But it won't go away oh it won’t go away no  Oh the leaves still fall And the grass still grows And the lights are on In our little home
10.
Living Well 03:48
You’re looking up at a bright blue sky You start to laugh but you don’t know why Apologize for silly games But I’m wishing I could do the same You look in wonder at the modern world Information makes you just want more And now your pictures coming through the clouds I dread the day that you find me out Or even worse you become like me Slip into it so easily Start losing all your empathy In a daze in a haze like me What’s the point of living well, if I know no blood was spilled? What’s the point of living well, if I know that you can’t tell?

credits

released August 31, 2018

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Written, Performed, Mixed, and Mastered by Luke McNeill at Capitol City Recording
Extra Vocals, Guitars, and Effects by Mike Kennerty
Extra Vocals by Tim Reynolds
Hospital Job: Luke McNeill, Tim Reynolds, Fred Malcom, Kevin Rotter
Painting by Jen Lamb

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Hospital Job Springfield, Illinois

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